


Illusions of the Self

by ExtraPenguin



Category: The Goblin Emperor - Katherine Addison
Genre: Fantasizing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-30
Updated: 2016-07-30
Packaged: 2018-07-27 17:29:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7627420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExtraPenguin/pseuds/ExtraPenguin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dazhis has a crush on Maia.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Illusions of the Self

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to farevenasdecidedtouse for betaing!

If Dazhis had been completely frank, he'd probably have admitted it to himself. As it was, he clung to the scrap of dignity that said that he'd volunteered for reasons more deep than _why not_ and _gods he's pretty_.

The Emperor Edrehasivar VII may have had his appearance derided by courtiers obviously impaired in vision, but Dazhis had eyes that saw the exotic, aesthetic expanse of slate-gray skin, the clean Drazhadeise facial structure, the enticing dark hair, the whole visage rendered all the more appealing by being clad in white, an exercise of contrasts. The man was a work of art. Dazhis would gladly die just so that his skin were to remain unmarred.

And so tragically underprepared for his Imperial role. With the aid of magic, Dazhis could easily overhear what others were saying just beyond hearing. Some of the rumors were … concerning. Not individually, no, but in aggregate, opinion was wholly negative, whether due to legitimate concerns or simple categorical judgement of a half-goblin as unfit to rule. All factions would rather have installed the puppet Idra on the throne and duked it out on who got the regency. None had yet twigged upon the fact that Edrehasivar could easily be made a puppet, too. Dazhis did not know whether to be glad or concerned. In the liminal space between going to bed and falling asleep, Dazhis worried about His Serenity.

 

In the liminal space between going to bed and falling asleep, Dazhis dreamed of His Serenity.

Edrehasivar was lying on his bed, sleepless. Dazhis was guarding from within the chambers and thus could not help but hear the sighs, the rolling around, all the little tells of a sleepless, bothered mind.

“Serenity?” he asked.

“I- we are … having some trouble sleeping”, His Serenity admitted.

“How may we help?” Dazhis asked.

An embarrassed-sounding silence.

Dazhis walked next to the luxurious bed. “I can guard you just as well from your bedside”, he said, softly.

His Serenity opened the curtains and smiled. “I am grateful.” He avoided Dazhis' gaze. “We … have been troubled by nightmares recently.”

“The best cure for nightmares I know of is exhaustion. Wouldst like to exercise, Serenity?” Dazhis asked.

“Please, call me Maia”, Edre- no, Maia said. He reached a tentative hand towards Dazhis' face. Dazhis leaned into the touch, and soon felt comfortable kissing Maia's mouth. The kiss started chaste, but soon deepened, and Dazhis fell upon His Serenity, _his_ Serenity-

 

Over the weeks, Edrehasivar featured more and more in Dazhis' dreams, and the dreams progressed further and further. While His Serenity _was_ something of an accidental iconoclast in his treatment of servants, even Dazhis dared not dream that that would extend to something as tremendously inappropriate as sexual relations with one of his nohecharei, no matter how much the courtiers may be concerned of growing Barizheise influence. His shifts grew longer and longer in feel as he had to restrain himself from letting his mind turn to daydreams, stopping himself from fantasizing about walking up to the tall, handsome figure in white and tilting up his head for a kiss from those perfect lips…

 

 _Hobgoblin_ , they whispered when they thought His Serenity's guards could not hear. _Naïve and unprepared_ , they muttered at the edge Edrehasivar's hearing. _A plot by the Barizheise Avar to conquer the Elflands_ , a few frothed in the corner tavern Dazhis occasionally visited. The last sentiment was rare, but did not fringe extremists drag the conversation's center towards their edge?

Dazhis worried for his Emperor.

 

In a felicitous coincidence, Sheveän Drazharan approached Dazhis rather than any of the other nohecharei.

She offered him many things, but what finally turned him to her cause was her assurance that Edrehasivar would live out the rest of his life in a calm, quiet monastery, away from the troubles of the Court. Was he not spiritual? Did he not dislike his station? Dazhis accepted the offer of the title of Adremaza, for then he may even have rank and title enough to meet his beloved again.

_Forgive me, Maia._


End file.
